truth – REMEVOLUTION

I think that’s how I can sum up how I feel lately. I’m just existing. Not exactly finding pleasure or joy in the world, but not terribly, nor completely miserable. Just existing. Like the bobber floating on the water’s surface, not really moving, but being moved occasionally by the fisherman (Universe?) or the circumstances. Either way, it’s like a blank sheet of paper without a pen. A holding pattern with no trail to follow.

I know it’s all going to change shortly as I’m scheduled for open heart surgery in the near future. I’ve already had a few health circumstances that shook my world up and turned it upside down. I’m sure that this one will do similarly. So I guess I should be happy that I’m in this sorta steady holding pattern at the moment. But I’m not.

I don’t want to just exist here on this planet. I know from whence I come and I want to go back. While I won’t take my own life, there are times where I just don’t want to be here and I wonder if people who know me in real life understand that at all. Or even are aware of it.

I have told a few trusted spiritually ascending friends. I believe they understand and I know of one who feels similarly. But the majority just don’t get it and when/if I bring up that perhaps my time here is up, they immediately begin to tell me how much I mean to them, how I have to fight for my health and how it’s all going to be ok.

I want to scoff aloud, but I don’t because I know they are well-meaning and truly feel that way. But the bigger picture is that I lost my will to live awhile back. My heart’s been broken for awhile now. Even though I’d like to be here for my children, it feels like too much energy to exert on this broken-hearted body which barely has enough energy to get up each morning and function in the basics.

People don’t understand all that I’ve endured, nor do they get what’s really coming for me with the open heart surgery and healing process afterwards. It’s easy to throw the words around that they’ll be here, keep me in their prayers etc., but it’s me who’s fighting that battle to heal. I just don’t know if I care to do it.

Does that make me lazy? Mean? Careless? Selfish? or simply truthful?

Do not fear that the turbulence is swirling. Lies, deceit and truths are all coming to the surface to be met with clarity. It makes for volatility as eyes are opened, clarification and ‘a-ha’ moments are met first with disbelief and then with a myriad of emotions as we process through these turbulent times.

What one must do is to ride the waves of emotion. Outbursts may occur but they are simply a releasing of pent-up emotions that have simmered and perhaps even festered for a long time. There is no self blame involved, although many of you will blame yourselves for not having the seen beyond the mask, the veil and the quick slight of hand shuffle that was dealt you.

Do not worry as all will settle soon enough. Not perhaps how and as fast as you’d prefer. That is for certain. Processing all of the incidents, situations and feelings takes time. Do not skip steps in order to be done with it faster so that you can move on.

It’s quite the opposite actually. One cannot skip steps in the process and finish earlier without collateral damage. Plodding through as opposed to flighty behavior is recommended otherwise lessons will be required to be learned twice.

Ground yourself. Process with trusted mentors and friends. Write what you have learned and what information has appeared that previously was hidden. This is important as one must look back to find the keys later after the full moon and Mercury retrograde have passed.

No longer will we be allowed to live surface, but instead with the whole mind/heart/soul connection. Many will remain in the surface superficiality and it is one’s choice. But you, who are reading this, will not. Your soul’s purpose is to ready for the next wave. You have done the work and this is the last push toward freedom.

Freedom? You ask. Yes, Freedom. Freedom in being authentically you. Freedom in seeing beyond to the truth. Freedom in helping others to pursue their hopes, dreams and life purpose in order to live more fully in the present moment.

One asks and receives answers. Listen and lean in. Mysteries are revealed. Answers are clear once one gets quiet. Listening is of utmost importance. The silence between words holds the key. What aren’t you saying as opposed to what are you saying. There’s a world of difference.

Stay afloat. Do not drown in the turbulence. Your authentic being, your truth is your life raft. Hold steady

From the Knowing

Tag: truth

Just Existing

Turbulence