I have been working on letting go of a lot of family estate items. While many are antiques of unknown origins, I was always told they ‘were worth something’ and that I should ‘know their value.’ Unfortunately, at this time in our history, there are not a lot of people looking for these items and after trying to sell them, I chose to donate them to a worthy cause.
For weeks, I have worked at organizing these items. Packing them and getting them ready to be donated. Last night I put them outside for a donation pick up which was to happen early the next morning. It was warm out and the boxes that I’d filled were heavier than I had anticipated. I was carrying them and got winded so I sat down in the house for what I thought was a moment to rest.
Apparently, I passed out. Fell off of the chair and stopped breathing with my eyes wide open. My child called 911. I awoke hearing the operator on the phone and told them I was dreaming. But I know I wasn’t.
Between fainting and awakening, I was in (dare I say) another dimension. In a rounded hallway, similar to a tunnel, that was dimly lit talking with someone who was telling me something that I can’t recall now. I was in a dreamlike state. At the same time, understanding, but not quite comprehending what was being told to me.
The EMT’s took my blood pressure: 104/60 normal. But it didn’t explain the profuse sweating, nor fainting episode. Recently I was given Moldivite and Libyan Glass which happened to be on a table across from me at the time.
I feel not of myself. Otherworldly. As if the body and soul/mind/heart are not connected. My fingers feel funny running over the keyboard as if it’s the first time I have felt this sensation of typing. Very unusual for me since I type all the time.
It’s almost as if there is a softness to the keyboard. The keys feel different. I feel differently. As if I must integrate this part of me that is new (and old) into this body. So that everything is a new sensation even though I am still me.
It is as if there has been an upgrade to my system and it is concentrated in the heart. I had a lot of gas last night and thought I might have been experiencing a heart attack, but not with the blood pressure numbers. Afterwards I was very tired and my heart kept feeling funny.
This morning I awoke very early, before daybreak. I am slow moving this morning and the body feels a little groggy and sore. I spoke to a friend who confirmed that sometimes when there’s an upgrade, it shakes the body to its core which is what happened. Shaken to my core.
My child said my eyes were wide open the whole time even when I wasn’t breathing for a minute or two. I saw nothing. I wasn’t there in my body. I believe that the conscious mind was closed so that the integration could complete without the body/mind getting in the way. Now I just have to help this new part of me to integrate as time passes. Perhaps that is why ordinary things like the keyboard feel sensitive to me.
I kept hoping that they would write today, the Knowing. Perhaps they are and I just don’t realize it. I am very tired still today. As if the mind/body connection isn’t functioning properly. So I’ll wait to see how it puts together the new pieces into who I am.
I feel as if the bump up to a new level brings healing as if there’s nothing for me to do but be and allow and understand that this is a different altogether, yet similar situation. I can’t explain it really. I’m having a tough time and words don’t do well to explain it at all.
Written May 20th