Just Existing

I think that’s how I can sum up how I feel lately. I’m just existing. Not exactly finding pleasure or joy in the world, but not terribly, nor completely miserable. Just existing. Like the bobber floating on the water’s surface, not really moving, but being moved occasionally by the fisherman (Universe?) or the circumstances. Either way, it’s like a blank sheet of paper without a pen. A holding pattern with no trail to follow.

I know it’s all going to change shortly as I’m scheduled for open heart surgery in the near future. I’ve already had a few health circumstances that shook my world up and turned it upside down. I’m sure that this one will do similarly. So I guess I should be happy that I’m in this sorta steady holding pattern at the moment. But I’m not.

I don’t want to just exist here on this planet. I know from whence I come and I want to go back. While I won’t take my own life, there are times where I just don’t want to be here and I wonder if people who know me in real life understand that at all. Or even are aware of it.

I have told a few trusted spiritually ascending friends. I believe they understand and I know of one who feels similarly. But the majority just don’t get it and when/if I bring up that perhaps my time here is up, they immediately begin to tell me how much I mean to them, how I have to fight for my health and how it’s all going to be ok.

I want to scoff aloud, but I don’t because I know they are well-meaning and truly feel that way. But the bigger picture is that I lost my will to live awhile back. My heart’s been broken for awhile now. Even though I’d like to be here for my children, it feels like too much energy to exert on this broken-hearted body which barely has enough energy to get up each morning and function in the basics.

People don’t understand all that I’ve endured, nor do they get what’s really coming for me with the open heart surgery and healing process afterwards. It’s easy to throw the words around that they’ll be here, keep me in their prayers etc., but it’s me who’s fighting that battle to heal. I just don’t know if I care to do it.

Does that make me lazy? Mean? Careless? Selfish? or simply truthful?

The Theraphi Experience

I had a session of Theraphi almost two months ago. Have you ever heard of Theraphi? You can read about it here. It’s a healing modality, but my world got turned upside down in that session like it never had before, nor since.

You see, I left my body. I felt my human suit open (unzipped by the group of white beings surrounding the table I was lying on) and my light body inside began to float up into the sky. I felt like I was flying. I saw and experienced, the clouds, the sky, the sun, the stars, and finally landed on another planet. I believe it was Venus.

Then, I left that planet and moved beyond our galaxy. Soaring in my light body for what seemed like ages, through the darkness glittering with beautifully full stars, I landed again, beyond our knowingness onto another plane. There, I was greeted by other similar light bodies who welcomed me.

I was home!! I KNEW I was home. As they gathered around me, I felt a such an incredible whoosh of peace and knowledge. As if I had no more questions; I knew everything there was to know about life. All knowing and so comfortable there, I rejoiced with them. Finally feeling as if I were home again. I remember smiling throughout my entire being with utter peace, love and light within me. I was the most happy, content, at peace, I had ever remembered being.

However, that peaceful contentment was disturbed when I was ‘told’ telepathically, that I had to return (to earth), that I had a job to do, that I knew I had signed up for it and it wasn’t completed. But I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to stay. With a part of my soul that felt as if it were ripped from me, I felt as if I suddenly and clunkily landed back into the human suit where white beings who were surrounding me were stuffing clouds into the human suit around my light body and zipping me back up again in order to be presentable to the earth. (Their last words to me were ‘zircon’ which I later purchased and now wear around my neck.)

I remember stirring when the Theraphi operator came into the room to let me know that my time was up. Only 15 minutes had passed since I had laid on the table, but time had been warped for the experience. When I opened my eyes, I knew I was back and began to cry. While I understood that my fate was to be returned here to complete the soul journey, I didn’t want to accept it. Everything felt differently now that I was back from the experience. I knew that I didn’t belong here. I felt utterly isolated from the human experience and the seemingly 3D human crisis’ that I hadn’t wanted to deal with before this return from my ‘home’ and people. The otherworldly feeling has continued with me to this day.

It has not been easy living this way.

Called To Wear Moldivite

I awoke this morning hearing the knowing tell me ‘wear moldivite’ and because I had a piece, I have stuck it in my pocket. I may go out and get a cage to wear as a necklace. In the meantime, it is safely with me and I can feel its energetic vibrations. I have it accompanied with Libyan Desert Glass for added strength.

Moldivite: Transformation, spiritual evolution, cleansing, spiritual projection

Libyan Desert Glass is a transformational stone as well that offers up powerful enhancing energies that directly resonate with one’s solar plexus, sacral, and third eye chakra. Your personal will, will soon undertake a ‘rebirthing’ effect and be revitalized with true interstellar powers. One will notice the increased amount of control they have over themselves and their decision making abilities. Libyan Desert Glass helps one through their own ascension process and attunes their energies to that of the ether.

As it is New Year’s Eve, I feel it’s very appropriate to have them both with me throughout the transition into the new year of 2022. Something is changing here. I can feel it. I don’t have excitement for it, but a patient wait and see what evolves, unfolds and develops as the day goes by.

Have you ever worn moldivite? I know many people can’t handle its energies for too long. I wore it for a bit, but then felt as if it weren’t required anymore until now. It is a powerful energy. I would love to hear if you’ve had any experiences with it!

Open Channel

One of my favorite hymns is “Make Me A Channel of Your Peace.” The reason I’m sharing this is because of what happened to me yesterday. You know, we just had the Lion’s Gate (8/8 Portal) and as I understand it, the changes, the upgrades, the integrations are now just starting to begin. I am no exception to this. So let me tell you what is happening to me. If something similar is happening to you, please reach out. I’d like to connect with you.

I awoke at 5:42 am (again, it’s been happening a lot lately at that same time). Of course, when I add up the numbers they come to 11 which is my favorite number, so perhaps it’s not surprising. Oh there’s so much to say, I’m not quite sure where to begin.

I awoke with voices in my head. Murmurs of all different people’s voices, though I wasn’t able to identify anyone as someone I knew. I wasn’t even able to understand what they were saying, but I knew what the gist was – they were praying and requesting help. That I knew for sure.

There’s a scene in the movie Bruce Almighty where Bruce gets to be God-like and suddenly is tuned into the open channel of the billions of prayer requests at one time. Do you remember that scene? Well, that’s what it was like for me. Seriously. I know it sounds like a story to tell it, but it’s true.

My body reverberated and I had chills running up and down the length of me. I closed my eyes and I was still in my home, but I could still hear the voices in my head. It unnerved me. At first I thought I was losing my mind, but then I realized what was happening. I was tuning into the open channel. Like turning the dial on a radio, I had picked up and was receiving on that energy frequency. AMAZING!

I remember closing my eyes because it was really early in the morning and in the semi-darkness of early morn, I tried to concentrate on what I was hearing – to distinguish what was being said or in hopes that I could recognize and identify one of the voices, but I couldn’t.

So I got out of bed and began my morning routine, albeit more slowly than normal and with a bit of difficulty. When I was finished, the voices had subsided and even though focusing was more difficult than normal, I sat outside with my coffee to just be and to allow whatever wanted to come, to come. And it did. I was led to forgive and to cut cords to those in my prior life with whom are estranged. Again. Those connecting cords seem to grow back every once in awhile, so when the message comes, I listen.

I thought I was doing better as the sunshine enveloped me, warmed me and felt healing. I had a friend coming to visit for awhile and when she got there, she took one look at me and asked what was going on. Because my body was shaking visibly even though I wasn’t aware of it. Can you imagine how strange that was to hear? I put my hand out to test what she was saying and saw the tremor in my hand. Immediately, I felt the whoosh through my body as if, in that one moment of clarity, of seeing the tremor that I was’t aware of in my human body, was the catalyst for the voices to cease.

I stumbled through the words of telling her what had happened to me and how I was feeling. She too got the chills of confirmation and was able to Know even more since another friend had experienced something similar to mine. While we processed the experience together, I was given the tools to be able to tap in and also learn to put aside the open channel in order to complete human tasks needed, I felt infinitely better by the end of the day.

I have heard about Mediums who will tell those spirits who are desperately interrupting the Medium’s human life routine that the channel is not open at the moment, but that they can return later. I think this is my lesson as well.

Do you have any similar experiences?

It’s Happening

The grids have been lighting up for awhile, but now I can see them. I feel the connections strongly as each one lights up and extends outwards to be met by the next soul. So many synchronicities are occurring at once that it’s hard for me to explain it all, let alone keep up.

Animals are zipping by to punctuate the occurrences. Dragonfly, dark butterfly, white butterflies, birds, a spider and groundhog have all come out to be seen and recognized. With each appearance, yet another layer of the veil is released. Our connections clear and strengthen. We are all universally one here in healing.

Yet the dark side awaits as well. Interestingly enough, it watches in an offhand sort of way. Whether it’s biding its time to be revealed in a spurt of darkness or in a gradual dusk is unclear to me still. But I sense the dark clouds rolling in an attempt to extinguish the light. Which is why we have gone to the grid, the earth, to connect in order to light the way for other light workers as this time. Because with higher energetic connective resonance, we all rise to peace, love and light together.

Energies are magnified when more healers are connected. Even though many of us are at different levels with different healing modalities, we are still, each important to the task.

Connect and allow to unfold the light expansion. All is divinely guided and blessed under grace.

Astral Travel?

Two nights ago I awoke a few times during the night. Each time I awoke, I had the sensation that I was not in my present house, but rather, in the bed of a different house. I didn’t open my eyes, but instead felt the sensations that were very real to me.

The first “bed” I awoke to being in was my childhood bed in my childhood home. I could smell the atmosphere there. I could feel the pillow I used back then. The sensation of having my back against the wall (even though my current bed does not have that feature) was evident. I knew where everything was and could see it well in my mind’s eye even though I kept my own eyes shut. When I listened, I heard the creaking of the floorboards as I did when I was a child as well. I kept my eyes shut, smiled to myself and faded back to sleep.

When I next awoke, I was in another familiar home. This was a home I moved out of three years ago. While I still sleep in the same bed as that home, the furniture in this present home is arranged differently. I’m even facing a different direction and I sleep on the opposite side of the bed. Again, I felt as if I were there, back to a different time in my life. I allowed myself to enjoy that peaceful time and fall back to sleep.

The next time I awoke, I didn’t open my eyes again either, but I knew someone was holding my hand (even though I was alone. I felt the warmth of the hand. It was larger than mine and fleshier, like an older man’s hand. When I asked whose hand I was holding, I didn’t get an answer, nor an inclination as to whom it was. But the hand stayed, holding mine, gently but firmly, making me feel so very safe.

I have thought that perhaps it was my father’s hand because passed away many years ago, but I am not sure. While I didn’t open my eyes to see if I were holding someone’s hand because I didn’t want to break the spell, I can assure you that it felt very real to me and I was awake even though my eyes were closed.

I drifted back to sleep, safely knowing someone had my hand. I often say, I can do anything if someone will hold my hand and offer to hold others’ hands when they need help going through this life journey.

Maybe it was the Universe’s hand, God’s hand, Source’s hand that held mine so firmly. Just like I do for others.

Either way, it was a lovely night and I wanted to make sure I remembered it.

Have you ever felt as if you were astrally traveling?

Written Feb 22

Fresh Start

New month. A recent Full Blood Moon. Between Eclipses. Moving from 3D to 5D and awakening to the world. Veil is thin for me. Sleep muddled with dreams that I can’t remember in the morning. Working to stay centered. even when all around me is chaos.

Allowing feelings to flow, to be released into the ether so that what triggers me holds less power. Confusion reigns even though on the surface, things haven’t changed. But there’s that feeling of the possibility that there is change coming in a great tsunami. Washing away all that we know and leaving us to start again.

Begin again. Open to possibility. Open to a fresh start while not knowing where this path leads. Walking carefully through the detritus of what once was and seeing beyond the past, in the present moment.

Allowing. Releasing. Centered and grounded. Holding steady by staying afloat.

Traditionally June is about Love. Springtime. Junos the Goddess of women, family, marriage, children, childbirth and also known as Hera (in Greece). She was married to Zeus (Jupiter) and also one of the Twelve Olympians. That’s why June was considered lucky for marriage because it was believed if one married in June, the pair would receive Junos’ blessing.

So is Love in the air in the month of June? I guess we’ll find out as the month unfolds.

Turbulence

Do not fear that the turbulence is swirling. Lies, deceit and truths are all coming to the surface to be met with clarity. It makes for volatility as eyes are opened, clarification and ‘a-ha’ moments are met first with disbelief and then with a myriad of emotions as we process through these turbulent times.

What one must do is to ride the waves of emotion. Outbursts may occur but they are simply a releasing of pent-up emotions that have simmered and perhaps even festered for a long time. There is no self blame involved, although many of you will blame yourselves for not having the seen beyond the mask, the veil and the quick slight of hand shuffle that was dealt you.

Do not worry as all will settle soon enough. Not perhaps how and as fast as you’d prefer. That is for certain. Processing all of the incidents, situations and feelings takes time. Do not skip steps in order to be done with it faster so that you can move on.

It’s quite the opposite actually. One cannot skip steps in the process and finish earlier without collateral damage. Plodding through as opposed to flighty behavior is recommended otherwise lessons will be required to be learned twice.

Ground yourself. Process with trusted mentors and friends. Write what you have learned and what information has appeared that previously was hidden. This is important as one must look back to find the keys later after the full moon and Mercury retrograde have passed.

No longer will we be allowed to live surface, but instead with the whole mind/heart/soul connection. Many will remain in the surface superficiality and it is one’s choice. But you, who are reading this, will not. Your soul’s purpose is to ready for the next wave. You have done the work and this is the last push toward freedom.

Freedom? You ask. Yes, Freedom. Freedom in being authentically you. Freedom in seeing beyond to the truth. Freedom in helping others to pursue their hopes, dreams and life purpose in order to live more fully in the present moment.

One asks and receives answers. Listen and lean in. Mysteries are revealed. Answers are clear once one gets quiet. Listening is of utmost importance. The silence between words holds the key. What aren’t you saying as opposed to what are you saying. There’s a world of difference.

Stay afloat. Do not drown in the turbulence. Your authentic being, your truth is your life raft. Hold steady

From the Knowing

Follow Up Ascension Symptoms or Covid

In case you were wondering what’s going on, I thought I’d let you know that I had a check up and there’s nothing wrong with me that the Dr. could see. The rapid Covid test was negative. I even had the test for Flu (A&B) which were negative. I did take the other Covid test so I have to wait 3 days for the results, but I’m thinking that it will be negative too. So what’s going on with me?

Well, the symptoms that were so debilitating the last few days have mostly subsided, which makes me think ASCENSION more than Covid. I have had occasional ringing in my ears (better said, like a dull roar) that subsides after a few minutes and it comes and goes at will. My aches and pains have diminished even though I have a slight dull ache still in the upper back, shoulder, neck area. I am going to the chiropractor today to see if perhaps an adjustment will help.

But I’m still sleeping enormously – much more than my usual and I’m lethargic. I’m not eating as much either which is probably good since prior to this I was gorging on sweets mindlessly. I will keep you in the loop, but are you having any unexplained symptoms of your own and wondering what’s going on?

I have heard that until Equinox (March 20) we are in for these types of body ailments as we adjust from 3D to 5D on a body cellular level and that I am not the only one having these types of symptoms. I can only hope that you are doing well. Please let me know how you are!

Ascension Symptoms or Covid?

Leading up to yesterday I’ve been experiencing strange symptoms which made no sense to me. For the last two weeks, I’ve had occasional ringing in my ears which came and went at will. Utter lethargy which came on suddenly, accompanied by the need to sleep and to sleep longer periods of time than my usual. A bit of upset tummy and loose bowels (sorry – TMI) for the last few days which came and went at will. It’s not like I ate something that didn’t agree with me, but simply my body had been taken over to release some unpleasantness. Waking up between 2-5am and remembering my dreams which were interesting to say the least. Waking one night repeatedly and each time knowing I had been in a different bed from a different time period in my life. One night waking up holding hands with someone whom I still don’t know who it was even though I asked. I had thought it were my father (who’s passed), but I never received confirmation. Believe me, if it had been my dad, he would have been happy to let me know it was him! Waking up with songs in my head and lyrics that when I looked them up, made complete sense to me because I’d asked for a sign.

However, yesterday, I suddenly began to have symptoms which were concerning. My shoulder area all the way up the back of my neck and head were constricted and tight as if they were in a vice. I was congested in my head and had a migraine headache, but in the back of my head and not in the usual place in front. I had chills that no amount of blankets could change. Not outwardly shaking chills, but deeply felt chills. Fatigued and achy throughout my body. Strangely, the aches moved from the left side under the ribcage to the right and throughout the upper body region. The upper back, neck and head area were so painful and that never let up. An occasional cough was here too, but nothing that cleared anything. My lungs felt constricted, but only the top parts, and yet I could take a deep breath and hold it for 10 seconds and release without difficulty which is good. No fever either.

I went to bed quite early and fell asleep. I remember waking up around 2am for a bit and then falling back to sleep. I don’t remember any of my dreams, nor was there a song in my head this morning.

When I awoke this morning, I was lethargic, but I pushed through the morning. Now I’m sitting here writing to you. The back of my head/neck/shoulder area is still tight, but the headache has subsided. Overall the fatigue is still here, but lessened. I still have my taste and smell, although the sense of smell is diminished, but then my nose is clogged in a strange way. I can still breathe through both nostrils but there’s a stuffiness that I haven’t had prior to now. When I blow my nose, there’s nothing in the tissue even though I feel the mucus. Sorry to be so detailed. Still without a fever and no more chills.

I have a covid test scheduled for tomorrow, but I’m thinking these are ASCENSION symptoms. Releasing all the 3D debris within the cells and body in order to ascend to 5D. Either way, I’m feeling poorly and beat up. Luckily I can relax today and take it easy.

How are you feeling? Does this sound like Ascension to you or Covid?