Where Did “I” Go?

I lost myself along the way. I don’t know how or why I let that authentic me fade away. Well, I guess I know why – because life got in the way, responsibilities, family, kids, divorce, financial and health issues and now look at me. Sometimes I feel like a shadowy figure of my true self. Where the hell did I go?

And who am I? When I dare to go within and reach down to the touchstone of who I am, there’s a void there that was once fulfilled and filled. Overflowing with life, enthusiasm, joy and love. Unafraid to say yes to life, to be goofy, to be present and to be herself. Confident to show her true self without fear. Feeling loved, self-love and appreciated by others. One who smiled without needing encouragement, connected easily with others and who loved life itself.

That self is a mere whisper, so faint that I can barely hear her and I don’t think you can either. But there’s an inner strength within her that is calling me out to write. To figure out how and if I can manage to navigate these coming troubled waters in regards to fixing the heart via surgery. Because yes, my heart is broken. But do I even want to try to go through western medicine to fix it?

There are a lot of layers to my pain and how I arrived at this juncture in my life. I’ve been peeling back the layers for awhile now, hoping to pinpoint the wrong fork in the road I chose so that I could get back on track. But that hasn’t happened yet. Perhaps it’s just as well for that wouldn’t change much. It would only increase the guilt of not being perfect in my choices.

I know I’m hard on myself. If you think I’m hard on you, think again, for I am way worse on me. Nothing I had thought my life would be has occurred the way I planned. Somewhere along the way, I lost me and I can’t find me again. I’m digging through the debris, but there’s no sign, no marker to even show I’m even digging in the vicinity.

God help me that I’m still trying even though there are moments when I want to bail and just let life continue on without modern medicine fixing me. Enjoy what little I have left and do it without fear of reprisal, judgment etc. but that’s not my reality at this point. Too many people rely on me for me to be so selfish, even though I’d like to dare it.

That’s how I’m feeling at this juncture. The evolution of finding me continues…a lifelong adventure that apparently is here to stay.

The Theraphi Experience

I had a session of Theraphi almost two months ago. Have you ever heard of Theraphi? You can read about it here. It’s a healing modality, but my world got turned upside down in that session like it never had before, nor since.

You see, I left my body. I felt my human suit open (unzipped by the group of white beings surrounding the table I was lying on) and my light body inside began to float up into the sky. I felt like I was flying. I saw and experienced, the clouds, the sky, the sun, the stars, and finally landed on another planet. I believe it was Venus.

Then, I left that planet and moved beyond our galaxy. Soaring in my light body for what seemed like ages, through the darkness glittering with beautifully full stars, I landed again, beyond our knowingness onto another plane. There, I was greeted by other similar light bodies who welcomed me.

I was home!! I KNEW I was home. As they gathered around me, I felt a such an incredible whoosh of peace and knowledge. As if I had no more questions; I knew everything there was to know about life. All knowing and so comfortable there, I rejoiced with them. Finally feeling as if I were home again. I remember smiling throughout my entire being with utter peace, love and light within me. I was the most happy, content, at peace, I had ever remembered being.

However, that peaceful contentment was disturbed when I was ‘told’ telepathically, that I had to return (to earth), that I had a job to do, that I knew I had signed up for it and it wasn’t completed. But I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to stay. With a part of my soul that felt as if it were ripped from me, I felt as if I suddenly and clunkily landed back into the human suit where white beings who were surrounding me were stuffing clouds into the human suit around my light body and zipping me back up again in order to be presentable to the earth. (Their last words to me were ‘zircon’ which I later purchased and now wear around my neck.)

I remember stirring when the Theraphi operator came into the room to let me know that my time was up. Only 15 minutes had passed since I had laid on the table, but time had been warped for the experience. When I opened my eyes, I knew I was back and began to cry. While I understood that my fate was to be returned here to complete the soul journey, I didn’t want to accept it. Everything felt differently now that I was back from the experience. I knew that I didn’t belong here. I felt utterly isolated from the human experience and the seemingly 3D human crisis’ that I hadn’t wanted to deal with before this return from my ‘home’ and people. The otherworldly feeling has continued with me to this day.

It has not been easy living this way.

It’s Happening

The grids have been lighting up for awhile, but now I can see them. I feel the connections strongly as each one lights up and extends outwards to be met by the next soul. So many synchronicities are occurring at once that it’s hard for me to explain it all, let alone keep up.

Animals are zipping by to punctuate the occurrences. Dragonfly, dark butterfly, white butterflies, birds, a spider and groundhog have all come out to be seen and recognized. With each appearance, yet another layer of the veil is released. Our connections clear and strengthen. We are all universally one here in healing.

Yet the dark side awaits as well. Interestingly enough, it watches in an offhand sort of way. Whether it’s biding its time to be revealed in a spurt of darkness or in a gradual dusk is unclear to me still. But I sense the dark clouds rolling in an attempt to extinguish the light. Which is why we have gone to the grid, the earth, to connect in order to light the way for other light workers as this time. Because with higher energetic connective resonance, we all rise to peace, love and light together.

Energies are magnified when more healers are connected. Even though many of us are at different levels with different healing modalities, we are still, each important to the task.

Connect and allow to unfold the light expansion. All is divinely guided and blessed under grace.

Astral Travel?

Two nights ago I awoke a few times during the night. Each time I awoke, I had the sensation that I was not in my present house, but rather, in the bed of a different house. I didn’t open my eyes, but instead felt the sensations that were very real to me.

The first “bed” I awoke to being in was my childhood bed in my childhood home. I could smell the atmosphere there. I could feel the pillow I used back then. The sensation of having my back against the wall (even though my current bed does not have that feature) was evident. I knew where everything was and could see it well in my mind’s eye even though I kept my own eyes shut. When I listened, I heard the creaking of the floorboards as I did when I was a child as well. I kept my eyes shut, smiled to myself and faded back to sleep.

When I next awoke, I was in another familiar home. This was a home I moved out of three years ago. While I still sleep in the same bed as that home, the furniture in this present home is arranged differently. I’m even facing a different direction and I sleep on the opposite side of the bed. Again, I felt as if I were there, back to a different time in my life. I allowed myself to enjoy that peaceful time and fall back to sleep.

The next time I awoke, I didn’t open my eyes again either, but I knew someone was holding my hand (even though I was alone. I felt the warmth of the hand. It was larger than mine and fleshier, like an older man’s hand. When I asked whose hand I was holding, I didn’t get an answer, nor an inclination as to whom it was. But the hand stayed, holding mine, gently but firmly, making me feel so very safe.

I have thought that perhaps it was my father’s hand because passed away many years ago, but I am not sure. While I didn’t open my eyes to see if I were holding someone’s hand because I didn’t want to break the spell, I can assure you that it felt very real to me and I was awake even though my eyes were closed.

I drifted back to sleep, safely knowing someone had my hand. I often say, I can do anything if someone will hold my hand and offer to hold others’ hands when they need help going through this life journey.

Maybe it was the Universe’s hand, God’s hand, Source’s hand that held mine so firmly. Just like I do for others.

Either way, it was a lovely night and I wanted to make sure I remembered it.

Have you ever felt as if you were astrally traveling?

Written Feb 22

Lean In and Listen

Shhh…don’t speak. Just open your ears and close your eyes. Do you hear it? The sound of my voice? I’m quietly speaking directly to you. Heart to heart. Mind to mind. Soul to soul.

Are you aware of the background noise? The birds outside your window pane? The muffled chirping in the distance? Good. The winds are coming for a change here. The clouds are blowing through. We are not done with the changes. Perhaps a little storm is brewing but it isn’t anything more than a little shake up or shake down. Do not be afraid. Hold steady and allow the waves to wash away all that is not needed anymore. All the debris that no longer matters. Let go of it. Allow it to be released from you.

it is time to be cleansed from the darkness and to embrace the light, the kindness and the faith that love will find a way. Do not feel alone for we are among you. If you search you will find us out in plain view. Your blindness no longer is available for you to not see what is here now. Your brain can now comprehend what is here if you allow yourself to take that necessary step forward out of your comfort zone and into the bliss of love.

Do not stop yourself rom the abundance that is here for you. There is plenty for all if you only believe. Do not doubt what is even when the vision seems cloudy. It is simply one more veil that needs to be removed and it will in time. This all takes time. And while you may feel the time is moving so slowly, it is actually quickening as we perspire for the changes to come.

And there are changes. You must be ready to center yourself in order to allow the changes to lift you and not drown you in their absolution. Fear not. Trust us. You will be guided at the time.

Listen to Mother Earth. Be one with nature. This is our gift.

Ch- Ch- Ch- Changes

We all hold the tenacity to remain stuck our limiting beliefs, thoughts and story. Breaking out of those minute details often requires a spiritual sledgehammer of sorts and a friend on whom you can rely for being honest, centered and open to your desire to follow the path. Sometimes we need someone who will hold steady as the majority of people prefer the path of least resistance when it comes to changes. Because that’s the way most of us view change. But that’s not always the case.

We’ll sooner acquiesce to change as long as it doesn’t upset us dramatically in any way. Slow moving change is often preferable because we can ease into new thinking and expand our horizons bit by bit instead of bearing one of those huge changes that feels like it wipes out all that we thought we knew and the playing field changes immediately with one solid whack. While those are not fun, sometimes they’re necessary and the Universe delivers. Believe me, I have a few Universal whacks over my lifetime. I assume that it was because I wasn’t getting the subtle messages of change so there was no other way. I was plodding through life without something to shake me up, clear out the cobwebs of outdated ways of thinking and so in one grand swoop, there was no going back to it.

I find ascension that way as well. A cha cha dance of sorts with one step up, two steps back and maybe a little twirling before we start the music again. Best done with a partner in order to help us process what is going on and to be able to mirror the observer point of view when it gets sticky. Lucky for me, I have a few partners and we all collaborate in different ways. Each brings their own special wisdom to the dance, their specialty in order to help us all to rise from 3D to 5D.

How are you doing with these changes? Are you aware of them? Dreading them? Or on the fence about embracing them? Have you started down that path of no return to 3D or are you unaware of the changes that are moving through powerfully at this time?

How I Change

I met for coffee outside with a good friend recently. It was really cold outside, so we bundled up and sat out on the patio sipping hot coffee and actually enjoying the winter weather. We talked for a long time, each of us loving being outside with nature. The hawk made his appearance as he usually does when she comes over to visit. While I see the hawk often, he catches my eye more and more often when she’s here. I have to look up the spiritual wisdom of hawk. A post for another day.

But as it happens with us often, we began sharing the Woo Woo updates that are happening to us. Each of us had similar physical and mental symptoms as I’ve talked about in prior posts. Both of us had touches of what we worried were the beginnings of the dreaded Covid, but much to our delight and relief, we believe they were Ascension Symptoms because as fast as they came on, they were released.

Spiritual downloads are like that in a way. The physical body changes as the energies move through us. We are given that surge which can feel like extreme exhaustion or fogginess mentally as whatever updates are received. It sounds like a computer update, doesn’t it? But that’s what I am understanding. We are spiritually being updated in order to move from 3D to 5D, each in our own way and on our own divine timing.

While we were talking outside, I felt the Knowing as she was explaining a situation to me. I do remember looking at her and listening as the chatter began in my mind. The Knowing as I refer to it was talking to me at the same time that she was. When she stopped talking, I began to tell her what I heard/know. I channeled a message to her that she needed to know. When we were done and had moved beyond that part of the conversation, she told me how I change.

Remember how I said this friend told me when she knew I was getting a Knowing message? She had said I change physically, but I hadn’t asked how. Today she told me that while she was talking she observed my face go blank and my eyes almost seemed to cross. I laughed aloud. Yikes! I must seem to look very odd! But she said she recognized the look and knew it was the Knowing. And it was.

While I’m not thrilled that I must look a mess when it happens, I am grateful for the knowledge. She is very spiritual herself so it is a comfort to know that she recognizes that it’s happening to me. I am also grateful that when I tell her the message I’ve received, even when it may be difficult to deliver, that she understands it is from a higher realm.

When I am in the zone of Knowing, I feel almost above my body if that makes sense. Additionally when I tag a post as being channelled, please know that it is the Knowing that takes over the keyboard and writes through me to you. More and more I am finding that it is happening with me and I feel as if I am able to help others through this experience.

Jasmine

The smell of night blooming jasmine appears and I am taken back to fond memories. Simply, with a whiff of the fragrance, I am transported to simpler days and a young love that I have never forgotten.

I often wonder if it is on a cellular level that these precious moments exist, combining their effervescence with whiffs of memories to surround me with the loving embrace I crave. Whilst I cannot go back to that time, nor place, nor person, there is a calling to me today for that feeling again.

Change is here to be embraced. Letting go of all that is not in the present. Wishing and hoping, basking in past glories – neither suits me. Firmly my feet are planted in the present moment with that spiritual fragrance wafting in the winds.

I Am An Intuitive and I Channel

It has been difficult for me to utter these words aloud to the public because even though many people have called me an intuitive or declared that I have a Knowing, I hesitate to use the word intuitive. Why? I don’t know. But that’s a fairly common word that most people are familiar with so it makes sense to use it. But I’d prefer Knowing…even though it’s only my term for what happens.

Strangely I refer to the Knowing as them (plural they) because it feels right. But is this a ‘them’ as opposed to a ‘he’ or ‘she’ or ‘it’? I don’t know. I don’t even hear their voices as much as telepathically hear (Know) their messages. And woe to me if I don’t deliver them when they are put bluntly or when I try to couch the message to make it a little softer.

Nope, they are having none of that. I refer to them getting louder in my head even though the volume of the message doesn’t increase, except it does. I’m not sure if that makes sense to you. But that’s how it is for me. The message becomes more insistent until it is delivered.

I can also channel their messages to me. I have channeled posts here. What do I mean by that? Well, I get the inspiration to write a post and then my fingers seem to take on a life of their own and type away until they stop. When I read what I have typed, I realize that this isn’t my vocabulary nor sentence structure. It’s channeled from them. While it doesn’t happen often, it does happen and I will continue to share when advised.

Scientifically, we have a part of the brain that is especially prominent in women for creativity and intuition. We all have intuition although we may call it by different names. That ‘sixth sense’ when you feel uncomfortable with a stranger or you get the ‘idea’ that pops into your head to change your routine – ie. your normal driving trip – only to find out later you missed a big pile up on the highway, etc.

Have you ever followed your intuition? You can grow it when you’re ready. You just have to be open to listening to your inner Knowing. It’s all a part of REMEVOLUTION – The Evolution of Remembering Me.

2021 CONNECTIONS

Happy 2021! I feel affirmations for 2021 bubbling up inside of me. There’s an enthusiasm that’s percolating within me. An energy of positivity and an increase in intuitiveness. My body feels at peace, but also excited with anticipation of how this year ahead will unfold. So I have to ask myself: How do I want 2021 to be for me? While I like to allow life to unfold, I am also well-aware that I need to be present and to work with what I am given. Strive for what I feel is important and help others along the way.

I have friends who choose a word for the coming year which encompasses the year for them. Do you do the same? Can you think of one that would work for you?

Mine is CONNECTIONS…for I believe that works for me in a myriad of ways.

Feel free to share your word for 2021 or the image or direction in which you feel intuitively is yours. I can’t wait to read them! Come join me on this journey – EVOLUTION of REMEMBERING ME! This is YOUR REMEVOLUTION!!!