Navigating The Anticipation Of What If

I don’t know how to navigate this time in my life. I’m scheduled for Open Heart Surgery in a few weeks which is a major surgery due to a genetic defect that I’ve had my whole life. I never knew I had this problem even though the signs were all there. No doctor ever figured it out and what I had always thought was normal for me – fainting, low blood pressure and a heart murmur – I’ve suddenly found out isn’t normal. Who knew? Family always thought I was over-dramatic because I was always tired. They thought I was lazy. I have a diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue due to cancer, radiation, multiple surgeries and chemotherapy, but that made no difference to them.

I’m exhausted, even more exhausted than usual now that I have this worrisome anticipation of upcoming surgery. Emotional, physical, mental and on a soul level, I’m distraught. I’ve always been a planner so this has totally changed me because there are so many ‘what if’s’ involved in this procedure that I can’t wrap my head around it.

I swing from not wanting to stay here on this plane to wanting to fight my way to health. There’s no middle ground for me. It’s as if I’m on a roller coaster mentally. I’m not sleeping well as I guess my subconscious is trying to work out everything while I’m asleep. I want to push away all of the kind-hearted friendships I have and at the same time, I want someone to take care of me, baby me, hold me and help me. It’s not easy being in this situation. Not easy for them, nor me. I don’t think my kids can grasp the idea either and they’ve been through a lot with me.

Maintaining a steady course feels impossible. I’ve been reading, researching and that has caused a lot of fear to massively inch its way into my psyche. Sure, I realize people have this surgery everyday and I’m not an abnormality as so many people tell me stories about people they know who have had the surgery and ‘been fine’ afterwards. I don’t care to hear any more stories. I know that sounds selfish, but I can’t handle it.

I’m frustrating, I know that. I can’t even keep up with how I feel moment to moment so how could anyone else?

Where Did “I” Go?

I lost myself along the way. I don’t know how or why I let that authentic me fade away. Well, I guess I know why – because life got in the way, responsibilities, family, kids, divorce, financial and health issues and now look at me. Sometimes I feel like a shadowy figure of my true self. Where the hell did I go?

And who am I? When I dare to go within and reach down to the touchstone of who I am, there’s a void there that was once fulfilled and filled. Overflowing with life, enthusiasm, joy and love. Unafraid to say yes to life, to be goofy, to be present and to be herself. Confident to show her true self without fear. Feeling loved, self-love and appreciated by others. One who smiled without needing encouragement, connected easily with others and who loved life itself.

That self is a mere whisper, so faint that I can barely hear her and I don’t think you can either. But there’s an inner strength within her that is calling me out to write. To figure out how and if I can manage to navigate these coming troubled waters in regards to fixing the heart via surgery. Because yes, my heart is broken. But do I even want to try to go through western medicine to fix it?

There are a lot of layers to my pain and how I arrived at this juncture in my life. I’ve been peeling back the layers for awhile now, hoping to pinpoint the wrong fork in the road I chose so that I could get back on track. But that hasn’t happened yet. Perhaps it’s just as well for that wouldn’t change much. It would only increase the guilt of not being perfect in my choices.

I know I’m hard on myself. If you think I’m hard on you, think again, for I am way worse on me. Nothing I had thought my life would be has occurred the way I planned. Somewhere along the way, I lost me and I can’t find me again. I’m digging through the debris, but there’s no sign, no marker to even show I’m even digging in the vicinity.

God help me that I’m still trying even though there are moments when I want to bail and just let life continue on without modern medicine fixing me. Enjoy what little I have left and do it without fear of reprisal, judgment etc. but that’s not my reality at this point. Too many people rely on me for me to be so selfish, even though I’d like to dare it.

That’s how I’m feeling at this juncture. The evolution of finding me continues…a lifelong adventure that apparently is here to stay.

Ringing Ears

Ringing ears and chills although I’m under an electric blanket. That only means one thing, that spirit, the knowing, my intuition wants to speak so I quickly opened my computer and started to type. Here they are…

Hold steadfast to your dreams. Allow the fruits of your labors too flourish. There is nothing stopping you except yourself. The knowing is increasing if you don’t stop it. Be sure to keep positive the emotional balance in your life. Be free from others’ judgments. One does not walk alone, but instead with vestments of love and compassion for our fellow humans, animals, plants and the world at large. We are all a family here even though mistakenly you (the public) do not realize that we are all connected.

Hurt your fellow man and we all feel the hurt. Be hurt by your fellow man, and we are all hurt. So the opportunity to heal is here.

Plan, but do not be surprised when plans go awry. We are taking the wheel so stumbling may occur. But it is in your best interest to stumble as we are looking out for you. We don’t want you to fail, so when you plan something that isn’t what should be, we are rearranging as needed.

Time is of the essence. Get your feet on the ground and center yourself. You’re in for a whirlwind of change and chaos as it rearranges what is not for you, what is not working and what is meant to be. Do not be frightened, but instead fear not. We are with you. Protecting you and holding you close to us.

Sorting and shifting (chills received) are ways in which we maximize what is coming to you, leading you, to enlighten you, to increase your knowledge, you empowerment and your wisdom. Listen to the winds. Listen in the silence. We are there whispering and feeding you what it is you already knew, but need guidance with in your life.

Called To Wear Moldivite

I awoke this morning hearing the knowing tell me ‘wear moldivite’ and because I had a piece, I have stuck it in my pocket. I may go out and get a cage to wear as a necklace. In the meantime, it is safely with me and I can feel its energetic vibrations. I have it accompanied with Libyan Desert Glass for added strength.

Moldivite: Transformation, spiritual evolution, cleansing, spiritual projection

Libyan Desert Glass is a transformational stone as well that offers up powerful enhancing energies that directly resonate with one’s solar plexus, sacral, and third eye chakra. Your personal will, will soon undertake a ‘rebirthing’ effect and be revitalized with true interstellar powers. One will notice the increased amount of control they have over themselves and their decision making abilities. Libyan Desert Glass helps one through their own ascension process and attunes their energies to that of the ether.

As it is New Year’s Eve, I feel it’s very appropriate to have them both with me throughout the transition into the new year of 2022. Something is changing here. I can feel it. I don’t have excitement for it, but a patient wait and see what evolves, unfolds and develops as the day goes by.

Have you ever worn moldivite? I know many people can’t handle its energies for too long. I wore it for a bit, but then felt as if it weren’t required anymore until now. It is a powerful energy. I would love to hear if you’ve had any experiences with it!

Open Channel

One of my favorite hymns is “Make Me A Channel of Your Peace.” The reason I’m sharing this is because of what happened to me yesterday. You know, we just had the Lion’s Gate (8/8 Portal) and as I understand it, the changes, the upgrades, the integrations are now just starting to begin. I am no exception to this. So let me tell you what is happening to me. If something similar is happening to you, please reach out. I’d like to connect with you.

I awoke at 5:42 am (again, it’s been happening a lot lately at that same time). Of course, when I add up the numbers they come to 11 which is my favorite number, so perhaps it’s not surprising. Oh there’s so much to say, I’m not quite sure where to begin.

I awoke with voices in my head. Murmurs of all different people’s voices, though I wasn’t able to identify anyone as someone I knew. I wasn’t even able to understand what they were saying, but I knew what the gist was – they were praying and requesting help. That I knew for sure.

There’s a scene in the movie Bruce Almighty where Bruce gets to be God-like and suddenly is tuned into the open channel of the billions of prayer requests at one time. Do you remember that scene? Well, that’s what it was like for me. Seriously. I know it sounds like a story to tell it, but it’s true.

My body reverberated and I had chills running up and down the length of me. I closed my eyes and I was still in my home, but I could still hear the voices in my head. It unnerved me. At first I thought I was losing my mind, but then I realized what was happening. I was tuning into the open channel. Like turning the dial on a radio, I had picked up and was receiving on that energy frequency. AMAZING!

I remember closing my eyes because it was really early in the morning and in the semi-darkness of early morn, I tried to concentrate on what I was hearing – to distinguish what was being said or in hopes that I could recognize and identify one of the voices, but I couldn’t.

So I got out of bed and began my morning routine, albeit more slowly than normal and with a bit of difficulty. When I was finished, the voices had subsided and even though focusing was more difficult than normal, I sat outside with my coffee to just be and to allow whatever wanted to come, to come. And it did. I was led to forgive and to cut cords to those in my prior life with whom are estranged. Again. Those connecting cords seem to grow back every once in awhile, so when the message comes, I listen.

I thought I was doing better as the sunshine enveloped me, warmed me and felt healing. I had a friend coming to visit for awhile and when she got there, she took one look at me and asked what was going on. Because my body was shaking visibly even though I wasn’t aware of it. Can you imagine how strange that was to hear? I put my hand out to test what she was saying and saw the tremor in my hand. Immediately, I felt the whoosh through my body as if, in that one moment of clarity, of seeing the tremor that I was’t aware of in my human body, was the catalyst for the voices to cease.

I stumbled through the words of telling her what had happened to me and how I was feeling. She too got the chills of confirmation and was able to Know even more since another friend had experienced something similar to mine. While we processed the experience together, I was given the tools to be able to tap in and also learn to put aside the open channel in order to complete human tasks needed, I felt infinitely better by the end of the day.

I have heard about Mediums who will tell those spirits who are desperately interrupting the Medium’s human life routine that the channel is not open at the moment, but that they can return later. I think this is my lesson as well.

Do you have any similar experiences?

Turbulence

Do not fear that the turbulence is swirling. Lies, deceit and truths are all coming to the surface to be met with clarity. It makes for volatility as eyes are opened, clarification and ‘a-ha’ moments are met first with disbelief and then with a myriad of emotions as we process through these turbulent times.

What one must do is to ride the waves of emotion. Outbursts may occur but they are simply a releasing of pent-up emotions that have simmered and perhaps even festered for a long time. There is no self blame involved, although many of you will blame yourselves for not having the seen beyond the mask, the veil and the quick slight of hand shuffle that was dealt you.

Do not worry as all will settle soon enough. Not perhaps how and as fast as you’d prefer. That is for certain. Processing all of the incidents, situations and feelings takes time. Do not skip steps in order to be done with it faster so that you can move on.

It’s quite the opposite actually. One cannot skip steps in the process and finish earlier without collateral damage. Plodding through as opposed to flighty behavior is recommended otherwise lessons will be required to be learned twice.

Ground yourself. Process with trusted mentors and friends. Write what you have learned and what information has appeared that previously was hidden. This is important as one must look back to find the keys later after the full moon and Mercury retrograde have passed.

No longer will we be allowed to live surface, but instead with the whole mind/heart/soul connection. Many will remain in the surface superficiality and it is one’s choice. But you, who are reading this, will not. Your soul’s purpose is to ready for the next wave. You have done the work and this is the last push toward freedom.

Freedom? You ask. Yes, Freedom. Freedom in being authentically you. Freedom in seeing beyond to the truth. Freedom in helping others to pursue their hopes, dreams and life purpose in order to live more fully in the present moment.

One asks and receives answers. Listen and lean in. Mysteries are revealed. Answers are clear once one gets quiet. Listening is of utmost importance. The silence between words holds the key. What aren’t you saying as opposed to what are you saying. There’s a world of difference.

Stay afloat. Do not drown in the turbulence. Your authentic being, your truth is your life raft. Hold steady

From the Knowing

Integrating New Energies Part 2

For the last two nights I have been waking up at 3:46am. The exact same time both nights. I laid in bed (after checking the time) and felt white cords connecting to me. The sensation was that the cords were coming from me and reaching out into the light of the world. It was not that the Heavens were sending the cords to bond with me. It was that I already had the light inside turned on and the rays were expanding.

It was as if my body/spirit/mind/heart were not mine. That I was not present except as an observer to what was occurring. It didn’t hurt. I closed my eyes to feel the sensation of peace and inclusion to all that was cording and fell back to sleep.

Often as I am going to sleep at night, I imagine the days’ energies lifted away from my body as an emptying of sorts. Long strands of dark cords gather and are expelled easily and smoothly from my crown chakra. It’s as if there’s a pulling of lower vibrational energies so that I can sleep well. I am not aware of what these are, but only that it happens often.

But this at 3:46am was white corded lights emanating from me to integrate with spirit. As if my shining light, aura, existence grew deeper and fuller. I wonder if anyone else will notice the expansion on the outside.

All day today I have been out of focus for the most part. As if brain and body weren’t truly connected, but only partially holding it together. I can’t explain it. It’s as if there’s a buzz and fuzziness to the brain today.

Written May 24th

Integrating New Energies

I have been working on letting go of a lot of family estate items. While many are antiques of unknown origins, I was always told they ‘were worth something’ and that I should ‘know their value.’ Unfortunately, at this time in our history, there are not a lot of people looking for these items and after trying to sell them, I chose to donate them to a worthy cause.

For weeks, I have worked at organizing these items. Packing them and getting them ready to be donated. Last night I put them outside for a donation pick up which was to happen early the next morning. It was warm out and the boxes that I’d filled were heavier than I had anticipated. I was carrying them and got winded so I sat down in the house for what I thought was a moment to rest.

Apparently, I passed out. Fell off of the chair and stopped breathing with my eyes wide open. My child called 911. I awoke hearing the operator on the phone and told them I was dreaming. But I know I wasn’t.

Between fainting and awakening, I was in (dare I say) another dimension. In a rounded hallway, similar to a tunnel, that was dimly lit talking with someone who was telling me something that I can’t recall now. I was in a dreamlike state. At the same time, understanding, but not quite comprehending what was being told to me.

The EMT’s took my blood pressure: 104/60 normal. But it didn’t explain the profuse sweating, nor fainting episode. Recently I was given Moldivite and Libyan Glass which happened to be on a table across from me at the time.

I feel not of myself. Otherworldly. As if the body and soul/mind/heart are not connected. My fingers feel funny running over the keyboard as if it’s the first time I have felt this sensation of typing. Very unusual for me since I type all the time.

It’s almost as if there is a softness to the keyboard. The keys feel different. I feel differently. As if I must integrate this part of me that is new (and old) into this body. So that everything is a new sensation even though I am still me.

It is as if there has been an upgrade to my system and it is concentrated in the heart. I had a lot of gas last night and thought I might have been experiencing a heart attack, but not with the blood pressure numbers. Afterwards I was very tired and my heart kept feeling funny.

This morning I awoke very early, before daybreak. I am slow moving this morning and the body feels a little groggy and sore. I spoke to a friend who confirmed that sometimes when there’s an upgrade, it shakes the body to its core which is what happened. Shaken to my core.

My child said my eyes were wide open the whole time even when I wasn’t breathing for a minute or two. I saw nothing. I wasn’t there in my body. I believe that the conscious mind was closed so that the integration could complete without the body/mind getting in the way. Now I just have to help this new part of me to integrate as time passes. Perhaps that is why ordinary things like the keyboard feel sensitive to me.

I kept hoping that they would write today, the Knowing. Perhaps they are and I just don’t realize it. I am very tired still today. As if the mind/body connection isn’t functioning properly. So I’ll wait to see how it puts together the new pieces into who I am.

I feel as if the bump up to a new level brings healing as if there’s nothing for me to do but be and allow and understand that this is a different altogether, yet similar situation. I can’t explain it really. I’m having a tough time and words don’t do well to explain it at all.

Written May 20th

Lean In and Listen

Shhh…don’t speak. Just open your ears and close your eyes. Do you hear it? The sound of my voice? I’m quietly speaking directly to you. Heart to heart. Mind to mind. Soul to soul.

Are you aware of the background noise? The birds outside your window pane? The muffled chirping in the distance? Good. The winds are coming for a change here. The clouds are blowing through. We are not done with the changes. Perhaps a little storm is brewing but it isn’t anything more than a little shake up or shake down. Do not be afraid. Hold steady and allow the waves to wash away all that is not needed anymore. All the debris that no longer matters. Let go of it. Allow it to be released from you.

it is time to be cleansed from the darkness and to embrace the light, the kindness and the faith that love will find a way. Do not feel alone for we are among you. If you search you will find us out in plain view. Your blindness no longer is available for you to not see what is here now. Your brain can now comprehend what is here if you allow yourself to take that necessary step forward out of your comfort zone and into the bliss of love.

Do not stop yourself rom the abundance that is here for you. There is plenty for all if you only believe. Do not doubt what is even when the vision seems cloudy. It is simply one more veil that needs to be removed and it will in time. This all takes time. And while you may feel the time is moving so slowly, it is actually quickening as we perspire for the changes to come.

And there are changes. You must be ready to center yourself in order to allow the changes to lift you and not drown you in their absolution. Fear not. Trust us. You will be guided at the time.

Listen to Mother Earth. Be one with nature. This is our gift.

Follow Up Ascension Symptoms or Covid

In case you were wondering what’s going on, I thought I’d let you know that I had a check up and there’s nothing wrong with me that the Dr. could see. The rapid Covid test was negative. I even had the test for Flu (A&B) which were negative. I did take the other Covid test so I have to wait 3 days for the results, but I’m thinking that it will be negative too. So what’s going on with me?

Well, the symptoms that were so debilitating the last few days have mostly subsided, which makes me think ASCENSION more than Covid. I have had occasional ringing in my ears (better said, like a dull roar) that subsides after a few minutes and it comes and goes at will. My aches and pains have diminished even though I have a slight dull ache still in the upper back, shoulder, neck area. I am going to the chiropractor today to see if perhaps an adjustment will help.

But I’m still sleeping enormously – much more than my usual and I’m lethargic. I’m not eating as much either which is probably good since prior to this I was gorging on sweets mindlessly. I will keep you in the loop, but are you having any unexplained symptoms of your own and wondering what’s going on?

I have heard that until Equinox (March 20) we are in for these types of body ailments as we adjust from 3D to 5D on a body cellular level and that I am not the only one having these types of symptoms. I can only hope that you are doing well. Please let me know how you are!