I awoke this morning after a disturbing sleep, very early in the morning and completely discombobulated. I had no idea upon opening my eyes where I was, and I was a little shaky on who I was. I didn’t know what day it was either.

I looked to my watch to see it was around 6am and then tried really hard to figure out what day it was. I finally gave up and checked my phone which was next to me. As I slowly acclimated to my surroundings and who I am in this lifetime, I couldn’t shake the feeling that ‘I don’t belong here’ and the remnants of last night’s disturbing sleep hung tightly to me.

It’s been awhile, and I mean a loooong time since I’ve had anything like this so I immediately opened the computer to type. Hoping to find some sort of message if I allowed the Knowing to type. It’s strange though, even the English words I’m typing don’t look quite right to me.

Last night I was fighting with my cat who was insistent on sleeping on me. She wanted to lay on my chest and purr, but her weight makes it difficult for me with her cat paws to be comfortable as she walks on me especially after having had open heart surgery a few months ago. She was bumping her head against me periodically, but I’ve had instances when she’s done that and then for some reason given me a slight nip (graze only) and I didn’t want that, so I kept pulling my extremities under the covers to protect me. In the midst of all of that which went on for quite awhile and repeatedly throughout the night, I was dreaming/ nightmaring a lot of crazy stuff. I had a new job and was young and had to park my car, but there were no spaces available. When I found a garage, that was supposed to give me a discount, they refused. I tried to just pay full price as I was going to be late for work and the owner/manager wouldn’t let me park there and pay full price and told me to leave. I couldn’t do what I just wanted to do so that I could get to work on time even though it would cost me more unnecessarily. I ended up leaving the garage and trying to park on the street where there were no spaces available. I was so frustrated. People were honking at me. Yelling at me. I was beginning to cry and I woke up….to the cat walking on my chest purring slightly and apparently trying to get comfortable while I was trying to get comfortable too.

Not a good night. I now know it’s Friday. And I’ve fed the cat breakfast so I have some quiet time without interruption. I have a full day ahead, but my nerves are scattered and edgy. My heart is beating quickly even though I know who I am, where I am, etc. I hope I’m not having a heart attack. I wish my heart would stop its quickstep and just beat normally. My fingers have been numb lately and I’ve got neuropathy. I have a pimple inside my nose which hurts so much and I’m stuffed up in my nose and lungs.

I wonder if it’s all related?