A holding pattern for sure. Waiting in anticipation for something to arrive. Or perhaps better said, someone to arrive – me! I’ve had a difficult few weeks just existing, nothing more, nothing less. I’ve stopped my daily routine and simply exist as I heal. Not focused and unable to do more than ‘be’ for the time being. I liken it to the final weeks before a chick cracks the egg open. Nothing much going on, but increasing in size as we wait on emergence.
My hope, my goal, my intention is to emerge with more understanding, more grace and unity to this world, or better said, to the world to which I belong, which isn’t necessarily here. But so far I am in this constant fragile state of non-being. Without paddle nor energy, here I am, biding away the time without counting the hours because it doesn’t matter. Nothing really matters and it’s not me.
The apathy is difficult to navigate even though there’s nothing to navigate since my life is overflowing with apathy. Occasionally there are blips of connections, but they are few and far between. It’s as if there isn’t enough energy for the two tabs to connect often. And so it goes.
Are you having a similar experience?