My mom passed away a few months ago. I had decided that I wasn’t going to put the effort in to send Christmas cards because it didn’t feel right. While I was on the fence about it, I felt as if it were an excuse to not add something to my ‘to do’ list and I chose to not send any. It would be the first time in decades that I didn’t do it, but I was mostly at peace with it.
I was awakened in the early morning, way before my alarm was to go off, way before the light dawned, with a Knowing. I can’t say it was her voice outside of my body that woke me, but she was in my mind. “Write the Christmas poem. Here are the first few lines.”
I heard the first few lines that were rhymed in my head. And I know me. When inspiration or anyone comes to me and I dismiss them in order to fall back asleep, the chance is lost to the winds and may not return. I debated whether to write the lines in my phone and fall back asleep, but the lines kept unfolding and I knew the chance would be lost and it would be more of a hassle if I didn’t follow my intuition and get up. So up I got.
I scribbled the lines on a piece of paper while I brewed my coffee. I was a bit cranky being woken up way too early and suddenly the lines of the Christmas poem stopped in my head. “Drat!” I said aloud. I wanted my Mom to finish the poem so I didn’t have to struggle. But it wasn’t to be and I understand now.
Because she wanted me to make it my own. She’d given me the inspiration, the beginnings of the rhyming verse of the Christmas poem that she had made a tradition for decades, but now, in tribute to her, I was to do one last one. And so I did.
While my version of the Christmas poem is not as well rhymed as hers, it is uniquely a collaboration between us. My Christmas cards will be mailed late this year, but that is fine with me. Interestingly enough, I hadn’t any family photos to add to the card (which has been my tradition) and I was struggling until I began looking through my photos with her help. Because that’s how she is – helpful and perhaps a bit pushy even when from the other side.
One photo that I put on the card was of my Mom and me on her birthday which coincidentally was the last day of the year and we were wearing 2020 silly glasses. Smiling and looking festive in celebratory mode, it’s a cute photo of her. I hadn’t the time nor inclination to get our family together to take a photo for the Christmas card so I continued looking through my photos. Finally, the other photo I found to include in the card was taken on the day of her death when our family got together outside. A reunion of sorts with family members who had fallen away in connecting, but with her passing, we put aside all in order to heal together. What a strange and yet believable coincidence. The photo of her on her birthday and the photo on the day of her passing along with a Christmas poem that we essentially wrote together.
While not many will understand or know that there is more to this simple Christmas card, I will. My Mom will. As I ordered the cards yesterday, I knew she was smiling for I heard in my mind, “mission accomplished” and felt her pat on my shoulder as a reminder for a job well-done.
They don’t let me ignore them, do they? No they don’t and I am ever grateful for the connection. Have you felt your deceased loved ones nearby? Are you noticing signs? The veil seems very thin lately doesn’t it? They are all around us.