“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” — Haruki Murakami
I started searching for me after a series of events as it seemed likely that I’d lost myself in the storm of chaos. I did the best I could and weathered through the storm, coming out scathed and broken, but somehow more at peace.
I picked up the pieces of the shattered life and beliefs and chose to put them all back together as they had been. But they didn’t fit the same way anymore. Parts of me that I had believed were me were no longer there and other parts were gnarled and bent. Additionally parts were emerging from an inner knowing that I unknowingly was. I hope on some level this is making sense to you as it does to me now, but in the throes of healing, it was only revealed piece by piece.
Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be revealed though because if it had been like a tsunami hitting the beach I would have probably collapsed again. I am better at increments of change. Aren’t you? Or do you like a huge upheaval?
I am most definitely the woman who survived the storm. I can see parts of me from before the storm remain, but others have been shed, sometimes without my realizing it until they had been gone for awhile. It was like when you put something down and forget about it, but then when you need it again and search for it, it’s nowhere to be found. So you either get a new one or find a way to do whatever it is you’re doing without that missing piece. Ingenuity in the face of lack brings a richness to life that is unfathomable unless you’ve been there.
Does this resonate with you?